He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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