mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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