Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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