I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
