Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
