i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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