The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
