the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
