Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
