I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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