They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize