it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
