Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
