ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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