That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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