Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
