I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
