Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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