My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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