it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
