Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
