The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
