You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
