Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
