people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
