Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You took a bar mat shot.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
