Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
