I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
