The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
