Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
