I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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