White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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