I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
