I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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