i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
