I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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