he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
