I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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