awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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