I just made out with a guy for $7.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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