he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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