Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
