my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
