y did u give ur computer a hand job?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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