I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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