God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
