they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
dude. I can hear the air.
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