Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
