fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
