Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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