I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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