cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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