They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
