I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
