Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
