That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
