great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
