shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
