You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
