Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
