So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize