I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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