I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
