I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
