How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
