i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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