I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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