they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
