He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
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