if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
