He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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