I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
