First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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