her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
