It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
